Balance (For Tim)

It’s cold. I think that goes without saying, I mean it is January. These are the months that I dread all year long; January and February have no major holidays to break up the monotony of winter and deadness outside. Granted, it makes Spring, Glorious Spring just that much better! That season of rebirth and renewal is preceded by this coldness and darkness that seems to hit me on a different level than just the weather.

One of the bright spots of the last several months is that Tim and I have actually found a church that we like. Nay, love. I didn't think it could happen. Over the past several years, it’s been difficult for me to separate the culture of church and religion from the ideas and philosophies I hold dear. Finally I have found a church that, so far, seems to be truly grounded in faith in a God and faith in human nature: love, serving others, and admitting they don’t have all the answers.

Each service begins with a welcome by a different volunteer in the (very small) congregation, and each time I could barely make it through the first ten minutes before my eyes began welling up with tears. I’ve never felt so welcome and accepted; they invite you to come just as you are (in jeans or sweatpants if you want). One of the first welcomes I remember said something like, “Love is the teaching of this church. Welcome to all, if you are here with your spouse, your partner, your lover, a friend, or by yourself. Welcome if you are a believer, or if you are a non-believer.” And a few other things I can’t remember, but it moved me.

I like this church’s emphasis on meditation and prayer, their respect of all cultural and religions traditions, their non-proselytizing credo, and their intentional welcoming of families with same sex partners. But maybe more than all of that, I love their emphasis on serving others in the local community, and on the national scale with issues concerning the environment, civil rights, and social justice. Every Sunday I so look forward to church, and recently I’ve felt as if our pastor has been speaking directly to me.

Last week her sermon touched on an issue I’ve been struggling with a lot lately: to save the world or to savor it? I’ve struggled with feeling so intensely about the injustices in this world that I lose sleep and harbor an anger that borders on unhealthy. The only other option, I thought, was to let go and not think about it, just savoring my own blessings. But neither option in that binary seems quite right.

Our pastor didn’t proclaim to have the answers, but suggested that the balance could be found in the service of others, and I certainly agree. The one good thing about January is that it is the beginning of a new year, a time to self-evaluate and yes, resolve to make someone else’s life better. I’m working on it, a work in progress.