Anniversaries

I have never been one to hold much stock in anniversaries. I know some couples who celebrate their first date, their first kiss, their first time in the sack, monthly anniversaries, whatever. But I usually just forget.

We just had our wedding ceremony on May 23 (most of you reading this were there); it was a beautiful weekend I will never forget. I had the best time with my girlfriends, my sister, all our friends and family, I felt so much support and happiness. And Tim looked so cute. It was truly a celebration of our relationship, and I am still overwhelmed that people would go to all that trouble just because we found someone with whom to be happy.

Nine months earlier, on a rainy Friday September 12, 2008, Tim and I marched ourselves (rode the Metro) over to the Arlington County Courthouse in Virginia. ( We would've gone to the DC courthouse, but required a syphilis test, and we didn’t feel like messing with all those expensive antibiotics). We sat in a lawyer’s office and signed some papers, then stood on a cheap rug in front of a faux fireplace and a shitty painting of Thomas Jefferson, and recited the vows that many have said before us.

Bing, bang, boom, we were legally married in 2 minutes (we both cried) and then we went and met our DC family for Mexican food and margaritas served by our local tranny waiter with amazingly sculpted eyebrows. When Erin excitedly announced our bold commitment made on that day, Eyebrows blankly looked her and said, “uuuuhhhhh, ok.”

Part of that ambivalence may just be Eyebrows, but I know what he means. So what, we signed some papers. As Tim said, “It costs more to apply to college than to apply for a divorce.”

When we first started thinking about doing this, we posed it as an issue of practicality. And it was, seeing as I needed health insurance (don’t get me started on this, I will save it for another post). Health insurance is a sad reason to legally bind yourself to someone, but that is the reality. And of course that wasn’t the only reason we did it; we are both incredibly impulsive and impatient people.

But this was only a tiny part of our commitment. It was a fun excuse to celebrate, but we also celebrate Rome’s founding, Cinco de Mayo, and Thanksgiving with the same fervor.

It was extremely important to us to stand in front of the people that care about us, to promise out-loud that we are committed to each other. For the rest of our lives, those people will hold us accountable, and for that day (weekend, really) they shared in our joy and celebrated. It was a spiritual and surreal experience to have all of those people together last May.

Of course both the legal and the spiritual parts have their place, which is why I loudly advocate equal rights for people of the gay community. The point is, marriage, and its legal benefits, should be an option for anyone who so chooses it.

It’s funny, though, because we sort of love our legal ceremony. It was something that was just for us, only we were there (well, us and Fitzhugh Lee Godwin Jr., VI). It was private, something to hold on to amidst the craziness of a loud, drunken wedding weekend in Texas.

I don’t think this is the right choice for everyone, but it was the right choice for us. When do you consider yourself actually married? Especially if you sign the paper on your ceremony day. Is it when you sign the paper? Is it when you say your vows? Is it when your spiritual leader (in our case, Dr. Chris Gregg) blesses you?

In all honesty we were mentally married way before any of this.

An anniversary date is difficult to nail down, so we have decided to celebrate all of them, when it is convenient. Tomorrow we leave for a Gettysburg, PA Bed & Breakfast.

Happy Civil War Anniversary, Timmy-pants!